Listen and Subscribe on: iTunes, Stitcher, Google Playand Spotify
Welcome to Episode 170 of the Salsa Kings LIVE podcast
We have been featured as #1 in “Top 10 Salsa Podcasts” on FeedSpot.
Hey, everyone! Today, I wanted to share what it means to “define” and “expand” and how our dance journey can reflect a lot about our relationships and growth.
There are around 5 cabins left for Miami Salsa Cruise. Make sure that you get your ticket and cabin now if you want to go on the cruise with us. This year we have the biggest group yet and the best workshops planned and it’s only going to get better.
Click here for more info https://miamisalsacruise.com/
Key Points:
Are we still defining who we are, or have we moved into the phase of expanding that definition?
Defining is figuring out what we like, while expanding is about discovering new things and growing through other people. We agree that these phases aren’t always separate; we’re often doing a bit of both—continuously learning and rediscovering ourselves.
One of the ideas we dive into is how dancing with different partners adds to this journey.
For example, a dance partner from a different place, like Germany, may bring a unique style and energy. This variety helps us expand, see ourselves in new ways, and appreciate the subtle differences in energy and style. In salsa, as in life, each new connection can open our eyes to more than we expected.
We also talk about the importance of giving and receiving energy while dancing. When one partner isn’t engaging, it can feel like they’re just “taking” energy without giving back. We notice this especially in social dancing, where real connection happens when both partners are fully involved. If one person is just “along for the ride,” it creates an imbalance, and you lose the magic of the moment.
The dance floor is a safe space where the little things—like complimenting a partner’s style or appreciating how they feel in the dance—can go a long way. It’s about embracing the other person’s energy, creating a collaborative flow that enhances both our experiences. We want our dancing to be less about complex moves and more about real connection. By focusing on simple, genuine interactions, we make the experience more memorable and rewarding.
Another essential point we cover is the dance’s role as a bridge for connection. It’s not just about learning steps; it’s a medium that allows us to connect on a deeper level. This is especially clear when we think about all the friendships, relationships, and even marriages that have come out of our dance community. The dance floor creates a natural setting for people to be open, share moments, and build lasting bonds.
Closing Thoughts:
This episode reminds us that dance is much more than movement—it’s about discovering and sharing who we are. As we continue to “define” and “expand” ourselves, we create a space where magic can happen, not just in our dance but in our connections with others.
We’d love to hear about a dance that left a lasting impact on you or taught you something new.
Let us know! We’re here to keep growing together.
Transcript:
[Speaker 1]
All right, so what happened again Here’s what happened Pablito and I were here about to start an episode and we’re continuing naturally and organically wanting to discuss the Previous episodes of why are you voting?
[Speaker 2]
Let me make a disclaimer before we haven’t talked salsa like this and probably like two weeks Just right out there.
[Speaker 1]
I’m being so go figure two weeks time passes And we still end up falling into the same discussion. So here I am being spontaneous and just hitting the record button Because this Already like three golden nuggets have come out in the last three minutes We’re missing something and and and apparently this continues still needs to be continued. So here we are episode 170 why are you avoiding me part part four?
with mr. Rico Rico We go, I’m mr. Fernandez over here appreciate you guys for your continued support again Shoot us an email Pablo at salsa Kings calm and dress the salsa Kings calm with your thoughts on this particular topic Let us know shoot us an email if you’re tired of this topic Also, you want to hear something else?
Sure so, okay, so You started off asking me Let me actually quickly look up the episode that was Talking about it was define and expand right? I think that’s what it was called define and expand Yeah, I think it was called like that. I don’t remember the exact episode.
[Speaker 2]
I’m looking it up now as we speak, but What he had asked me what good good you just do take it so what I had asked Andres is Because I was thinking about last time I danced and I was thinking and I told him oh, yeah Do you think I’m still defining or I’m expanding? but those who don’t know what the fun and expand mean define means that you’re figuring out what you like and then expand means you’re just looking for other things that you haven’t experienced yet and then I Asked him after that episode 142 episode, by the way episode 142 was Rico Rica.
[Speaker 1]
Yes He was there for sure. And we were talking about next level. The first is three levels first one being Just learning and connecting as a whole.
Yes, then defining oneself being step two and then the expansion is basically like The further defining of oneself through others so yeah, so he had asked me, you know, do you feel I’m in I’m on part three already and
[Speaker 2]
after I asked him if you are one or the other I came to a conclusion which is Then if I’m still defining and expanding because he couldn’t give me a clear answer and I figured oh then I’m Expanding but I’m also still defining and I told him so we actually never stop defining we never stop figuring out what we like because the purpose of expanding is just finding out more stuff and Then figuring out if we would like them or not
[Speaker 1]
right about yourself through others right because it’s almost like a Deeper understanding or a practice if you would of the idea of you don’t know what you don’t know So the more that you dance with others, you know Let’s say, you know, you learned in Alabama And you dance with somebody from Germany Germany.
We assume That those are gonna have a few differences, you know, we’re obviously gonna have common ground Three steps pause if you would if we’re talking sad sad three steps tap if we’re doing much other but there’s going to be differences not just Not in in styles but also in personality and how energy exactly absolutely
[Speaker 2]
so We’re talking about last episode I don’t remember how the topic came about but we’re talking right now about the last episode and how If How if you’re dancing with a lady and you’re Taking energy from her if you want to take over go for it better. We were talking about how you’re dancing with the lady you She’s like you’re using her because you’re not giving her energy back and that’s not necessarily correct. Oh, yes.
[Speaker 1]
Yes. Yes Okay, so right so right before I hit record just now I was saying that because an example was brought up. I believe it was in part two No, it was in the first part first part, I believe it was in the first part and Essentially he was talking about the his female partner that basically wasn’t contributing anything to the relationship and he kind of took that piece of the Trinity if you would and Kind of plugged it back into himself, which he had an amazing time and you you did awesome And he had felt that he had double the bandwidth this this in general It for me what I find is is to be a response of Someone who’s continuing to define right right because if you are expanding you can’t expand without the other individual So even if she’s kind of your partner doesn’t have to be a follow right ladies I’m sure this happens to you all the time.
You’re trying to reach out to your partner You’re trying to get a connection. He’s just not giving you anything. So ladies we feel you That if You’re trying to expand that it doesn’t it’s not possible without the contribution of the other individual So if someone is trying to give you full control if you would That we would reflect back and say no like I don’t want to do this without you And I feel that’s very representative of You know, like hey, like let’s do this together doesn’t have to be complicated You know, it can be very very simple and we can enjoy each other You know in a two-step, you know dare I say it, you know and sometimes in this process we realize that it doesn’t have to be it doesn’t have to be complicated at all to have a Possibly one of your best dances ever Because you just like how the other individual feels period and we’re not talking about in any, you know, you know gross kind of way We’re just talking about. Okay.
I I like his frame or I like her frame or I like Dare, I say it. I like his cologne, you know, or Whatever they can I like her hair like it again It doesn’t have to be in a in a nasty or gross way to have you know Real compliments towards the other person the other individual at the end of the day. This is very physical And there’s a lot of connection happening if we dare to face it and embrace it Which is for me at least my favorite part
[Speaker 2]
It’s interesting that you said it because something that came out to me like immediately when you said is the It’s like that you’re paying attention to how the other person is feeling obviously we do that pedal you said You can follow the other person if you like how they’re feeling I’ve never really that that has never clicked for me that click for me It’s not like like if the other person’s feeling better than you then you should follow their lead
[Speaker 1]
Absolutely, and that’s kind of where that goes. It’s like, okay let’s kind of bounce off of each other and maybe just maybe You inspire me in a way that I’ve never been inspired before and you take me to the next level or vice versa You kind of slowly bounce off of one another and then kind of by default Like there’s something that you did that just sets her off and she’s lighting up like a light bulb Like you you’re not gonna go back to your ways like no you’re gonna embrace the magic that’s happening right there in the present moment and if we go to And I feel this is where you know in a lot of our classes That we do as best as we can to stay focused not so much on the movements But in the present moment because if we’re if we’re in the middle of a set in the back to back on the gala Go on. Oh, they’re a chat. Have a con tomato, but they’re awful If we get stuck on that then we could lose the magic in the present moment what if she just loved the way that you did the back-to-back in the very beginning and That was enough and you continuing that move cut her flow off Does that make sense?
It’s taking one measure at a time if you would to then just see what happens and then you’re able to respond Okay, it’s more less. Absolutely and not saying that you don’t I’m not saying to not do more But you’re able to gather a lot more data and then with that data You’re able to go a lot further Which is why they say less is more because you’re able to go farther By doing less because you’re you’re gonna be able to shoot quote-unquote with more accuracy Right, because you’ve gotten to know your partner a little bit better You’re taking the time to do they being intentional with that now the beautiful part is which makes this Much less awkward than perhaps like a date if you would You’re dancing to music like at the end of the day the music is continuing to go you got three minutes right three three to five and The song’s gonna end so it’s not like this high-pressure You know moment at all or at least it shouldn’t be right and it and if you feel that way on the dance floor You know, then then definitely I challenge you to you know If you were to grab your I don’t know and your niece or your nephew who’s Five years old and you were to just start dancing with them in your living room Like are you gonna be pressured by that scenario? No, you’re just gonna take the moment to enjoy right right is just being with them And that doesn’t change because we’re adults or we’re the same age It doesn’t have to be fancy.
It just it just needs to be pleasurable and enjoyable and what I’m always Advocating for is the space to allow the sparks and the magic to fly How would he create that space in advance?
[Speaker 2]
by responding to one another what if and this is a what if what if the other person is not responding to you and you Want them to respond to you? Have a conversation Start talking.
[Speaker 1]
But what if the other person doesn’t want to respond? They’re not talking back to you. They’re just simply not talking back I’m now we’re just talking about human psychology in general like okay, I’m going to Say something funny or I’m going to smile or I’m going to do something.
That’s on a wall first of all The dance alone already has you at a point that you’re connected to where the at least I would assume the other person’s not gonna Be rude. They already said yes to you, right? So if you were to say Hey, you come here a lot or hey, I love the way I Always I use this analogy all the time because I think it’s funny, but it’s also it’s it’s a big impact I love how your hair looks.
I love how you smell. I love that dress. Oh, I love you Whatever whatever and by the way ladies same thing goes for us guys.
You want to say yo that shirt I love how soft it is. Whatever. It’s um, you know, you’re gonna make our week By saying that by um, so it goes the other way the same way that you like to be complimented the same way it goes the other way around you could find anything to connect and then that will kind of bring the barriers down and Again, this applies directly to relationships as well Whether it’s whether they’re intimate whether they’re friendships whether they’re bromances whether they’re sister Love like whatever like relationships with your parents with your Exactly Exactly So this is just this is normal. We’re just finding a bridge we’re finding a medium in which to connect through and that’s why salsa or Latin social dance is so amazing because That’s being given to us like the hard part is done Like let’s say for example Let’s say I’m in a fight with my mom.
Let’s just say okay, and I know my mom loves to dance She’s not gonna tell me no She loves to dance right what could be in a total fight and I asked her to dance. She’s gonna tell me yes Because she loves to dance the music is giving us the bridge in which we can then have a conversation or whatever And again guys, this is a total There are just analogies, right? They’re just examples but the point is is that use that bridge if you would because the the fact is the reason why there’s a Lot of people at the Latin dance social is because they’re looking for that connection that innocent right hashtag innocent connection What happens from there wherever you guys want to take it if you want to become best friends if you want to get married God knows that hearted our our organization has produced a lot of a lot of marriages and a lot of kids It’s Mary’s producing 2001 1998 For sure We should have a we should have a count we should have a couch that would be good That would be good. Email us email us if you’re listening to this and you’ve gotten married over How many kids do you have?
No, no, no for sure, but children. Yeah, absolutely. We’re actually at the point now.
We’re we’re Students is kids are showing up. Yeah now it’s it’s it’s wonderful But because and I think that all boils down to is because we know what this does for us And to be able to be able to allow if we’re gonna continue talking about kids To allow them to be able to connect in the same exact way on an innocent level respecting boundaries of the other of the other gender And with a lot of room for self-discovery, okay Okay.
[Speaker 2]
So the first question was What if the other person’s not answering now? I’m gonna ask you something a little bit reframe What if the other person is answering but they’re not giving anything to the? Conversation what if you’re having to Carry the conversation you’re having to lead all the time.
Okay, they’re just reacting.
[Speaker 1]
They’re just there for the ride Okay, would you be in a relate? Would you enjoy being in a romantic relationship having a boyfriend or a girlfriend where you’re carrying the entire relationship on your back? Of course not.
Okay, so you never have to dance with them again okay, and Okay, right. No, it’s that simple and and here’s the thing at least at least for Those that have a little bit more experience You’re kind of you’re dancing You’re in the middle of the night people that you’re on the dance floor people see you dancing know that you know how to dance People will quickly notice that you also dance differently with different partners so if you’re dancing with somebody and They’re not reciprocating and You’re not Giving any more energy than they are Right That’s where it ends like if she’s only giving one and you’re matching that energy and it’s only out of one Like for you to give more Yeah, okay. Maybe you wanted to choose to be selfish for that for the sake of that dance you the song is way too good All right, you’re not gonna give me anything.
Well, then I’m just gonna take in it That’s it. And I know that I’m not gonna be able to count on you moving forward That’s fine. You could choose to do that.
That’s totally fine. Okay, but that just says a lot about that other person I got two more questions for you. Okay, but hold on.
[Speaker 2]
So hold on. Hold on book
[Speaker 1]
Yeah, so what I challenge all of you guys to do is to and I think we spoke about this in the other episodes Be I’ll be be the person that everybody wants to dance to because you are contributing You’re you’re you’re you’re giving you’re giving So that something bigger than yourself can be created And you’ll find a lot out a lot about yourself You know, well they were you triggered were you bothered at the fact that the person that you were dancing with didn’t contribute anything, right?
What does that say about you? Right. It’s so easy to point the finger at somebody else For example, you know, we can be you know at zero energy and oh, well, he’s the lead So he should be doing everything.
It’s very easy to point the finger and says, okay. Okay. Well, yeah, you’re right I am I am Supposed to be doing everything and I I advocate for that a hundred percent Now, are you helping me do that?
Are you inspiring me to do that? Are you making me feel good? To do that or or are you entitled right?
Is there an entitled energy there? And I think there’s there’s a very big difference there and it goes the same thing with the lead, right? You know, so a follow can have an entitled.
Oh, you’re supposed to do everything for me Yeah, even though that’s true. The attitude has a lot to do with it the same way Oh, I’m the lead you’re supposed to do everything that I say. No Don’t book.
Oh, I see, right? So it has a lot to do with the attitude behind it and I think that this is what I would like to think that this entire show is about our show here that We’re talking about the intangibles, right? What’s the approach?
you know, I am I saying hey, I’m gonna take care of you or Hey, you better do what I tell you like those are two very different things, even though at the end of the day It’s kind of saying the same thing, but it’s the how that’s different level six.
[Speaker 2]
I Think I actually think it’s neither because it should be a spirit of collaboration It’s not a spirit of it should be a spirit of collaboration. It’s just different roles Like yes, I’m the one who harbor takes care of the physical but you should take care of the intangible, right? But when one side is missing the other side is obviously at a disadvantage cause it’s not fair a hundred percent
[Speaker 1]
100% and I would go even I would even go as far as saying that it’s not even possible to be done correctly Like boom, like I can’t Lead you if you don’t inspire me to lead you like like otherwise, it would be purely manufactured based off of my limited
[Speaker 2]
Knowledge, that’s that’s very black and white. I think I think you can lead is just There’s a lot of great area and it’s definitely the lead is definitely gonna be a hundred times better if you help me
[Speaker 1]
Well, the what I mean by the lead is that a lead should be coming from somewhere It shouldn’t be coming from your database of moves Well comes from the music comes from the music and from your partner if you’re considering your partner as well Absolutely, which is why I which is why I love this series This is exactly what we’re talking about. It’s like it’s not it.
Yes The music is the bridge and the center of the connection, but we’re but we’re Collaborating which is a beautiful word that you said between one another to be able to create something a dance Right versus oh, let’s see if we can pull off this week’s pattern. That’s not a point like yeah You could do it and it’s fun and it’s entertaining up until a certain point Which is why a lot of dancers they don’t even last a year because it’s like, okay I’m done with the repertoire or I learned all of the repertoire. So now now I’m an advanced dancer No, they’re stuck in the learning state call being In the stage one, right?
Cuz then it’s like how do we use this material to define and then once I feel like I got a good grip on myself Now it’s time to figure out The things that I don’t know, right, you know, okay, I can stand on my own two feet and then let’s go to a Wow uncle master class and get your butt handed to you, right I’m saying like So there’s just there’s just so much and there’s so much essentially to learn from each other Particularly from a Mars and Venus standpoint You know, it’s another dimension I think ladies we can agree that men are extremely annoying and it don’t make any kind of sense and vice versa That you know that ladies are extremely annoying and don’t make any sense that obviously between guys we make perfect sense for one another and Between you ladies you make perfect sense to one another too. Yeah So I think there’s a very real a very real Mars and Venus Scenario anytime anytime that Yeah, I know it’s a lot but there’s again I guess to conclude for for today because I’m by already at 20 minutes Is that we hope to see you on Miami Salsa Cruise so we So we could we could do this together guys aboard the the high seas late February Miami Salsa cruise calm I hope you guys can come make it out But essentially to leave the space open For the sake of the expansion.
I think that’s I think that’s a great way. I think it’s a great Step that’s a great episode to lean on Which was just to recap was episode 142, so take a listen to that guys if you haven’t already actually, which was an extension now that I’m looking at the episodes of Episode 141 which was the next gear next year So we were we had dropped we had spoken about the next gear episode 141 and then we spoke about it Pablo and I in 142 we got a little bit more specific because after he did the show notes He had some questions on that we turned that into an episode which is great Guys, let us know what you think again. And that’s a salsa Kings calm Pablo salsa Kings calm. You can see see us both How’s this let us know what time?
When you were on the dance floor And you had a dance that blew your mind That’s what I want to know. I want to know the dance that blew your mind not the dance. That was awesome No, I’m talking about the dance that taught you something She said tell me give me a little anecdote on that and what happened because I’ve dropped a few of my memorable learning experiences here as well Let us know let us know I think that’s that’s great stuff as as we realize that these are the ones that we remember for a reason Because these are the ones that taught us something and brought us further in our journey.
I love you guys so much Pablo I’m you guys are amazing.
[Speaker 2]
I love you guys and Rico Rico signing off signing out. Love you guys. Bye.
Bye
Tune into this awesome interview! Never miss a beat and SUBSCRIBE to receive Salsa Kings LIVE notifications on right here on YouTube or via Text Message: Text the word JOIN to 69922 #SalsaKings#SalsaKingsLIVE